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We often talk about the intrusive thoughts of postpartum anxiety and postpartum OCD here on Postpartum Progress, things like envisioning dropping your baby down the stairs, or much worse. -Katherine]I was the expectant mother who read everything she could get her hands on about her unborn child.
I recently heard from a reader who asked why we don’t discuss the unwanted sexual thoughts that can sometimes be a part of intrusive thoughts. Before she was born, I had dutifully checked off each item that I would need for my new baby.
Emotionally I was already teetering, and then I had my first intrusive thought three months after my daughter was born. I was changing her diaper and a horrible thought of molesting my daughter flashed through my mind.
I spent the next few days trying to understand why I would think such a thing.
Somehow I made the appointment and very slowly my story unfolded.
I told her about my best friend’s family that I had become very close to at a young age.
I’ve learned to be more compassionate with myself, and I realize that it takes time to get completely better, but the difference now is that I truly believe that I will get there.
It’s the memory of my postpartum anxiety experience that is the most vivid in my mind.
My grandmother was very ill and had been hospitalized, information I didn’t learn until after my daughter was born because my mother didn’t want to upset me. The other thing that made me more anxious was my husband’s new job required him to work more hours than we had originally planned, leaving me to do more by myself.
We also didn’t have a lot of family and friends to help out on a regular basis.
My pregnancy was a breeze, and I felt proud of delivering a healthy 8-pound, 13-ounce baby girl “J.”The first couple of months went as well as you could expect with a new infant.
I was enjoying being a new mother and breastfeeding was going well, but J had a lot of gas and she wouldn’t nap due to acid reflux.